#11 Who's Zoomin' Who?

In 1990 Aretha Franklin released a song with the above title.  It refers to a man who thinks that he is hustling  her or working her over -- she knows what he is doing and she, in turn, is hustling him (or conning him like he is conning her).  I like the title of this song because it says so much.

A few blogs back I mentioned M. Scott Peck and his thought on the ultimate incivility -- when someone pretends that you are their "new best friend" when in reality they are treating you like a thing to be used, to get what they want from you.  

Well, what about those employees who are always flattering their bosses?  They say things like, "you are so pretty, you are so smart, you are so handsome, love your dress, hair, blah, blah, blah".  You can fill in the blanks.  They offer up flattery in order to score "brownie points" (hence the term brown nosing--well, maybe part of the reason for that term) from the higher ups.  Most people are very susceptible to this type of flattery -- let's face it, it feels good -- until you understand that they want something from you (or the boss) -- a promotion, recognition, being part of the "A" team -- whatever.  Everyone wants something for themselves. 

The problem with these interactions or transactions -- the one who acts like your new best friend, or the one who is offering up the flattery -- neither is based on anything that is real.  There is no honest, true relationship that is formed here; there is no authenticity.  It is all based on someones self-centered need for the other.  When things at work, or in life, get tough and start to fall apart, these false relationships also begin to crumble.  You will find that either party is expendable and can be "thrown under the bus" by the other in order to protect themselves.  There is no loyalty. 

In our very narcissistic world, it is easy to get caught up in all of this falseness -- it surrounds us and it is hard to escape.  Insincerity is modeled for us daily as a way of achieving success; however, always be aware of  "Who's Zoomin' Who?"